See how different we all are? I enjoyed flirting, but never touched.
Roger admits to a lingering touching. It's all connected to the Time
in which we grew up, and with our family values, and the way in which
friendship was acknowledged between family members and friends.
But also, down through the Ages our behavior between women and men
was, and is, directly related to our insecurity and to our inability
to demonstrate honest respect for those people we must interact with.
Also, if we taught our children to be forthright and stand up for
themselves, such behavior as unwanted touching or muzzling would not
be so apt to occur.
Rather than stewing for months or years over such unwanted advances, a
woman of Tomorrow might turn to Uncle Joe and ask, "Are you squeezing
my shoulders and nuzzling my hair because of my great beauty and
sexual desire, or is it your attempt to dominate me and put me in my
place?
But of course this can't happen because the woman must remember that
she really is in a subservient status, and this powerful male can
cause great harm to her career.
And even Joe instinctively understands this, even if he seems shocked
if confronted. Each of us subconsciously understands our status in
our present society. I am far more apt to be successful as a blind
man because I am a blind man, not a blind woman. And I am a White
Blind Man, living in a society of mostly White People whose dominant
members are White Males. Do I think about all of my advantages over
blind women and blind people of color? Even if I convince you that I
do not, I know beyond a doubt that my success in life, such as it has
been, has been enhanced by my White Maleness, which I subconsciously
used when necessary.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/18/19, Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@aol.com> wrote:
> Actually, I can't help being at least a little sympathetic toward Joe in
> this matter. I will say that I have never kissed the top of the head of
> a woman I just met. I can't say that I have ever kissed the top of the
> head of a woman I knew well either. That is just not a body part that
> ever entered my mind as being all that kissable. However, I have on
> occasion engaged in some of the other gestures that he is accused of. I
> mean an occasional shoulder squeeze, touching an arm as I was speaking,
> shaking hands and letting my grasp linger until the other person
> withdrew and things like that. I did this with both men and women, but
> it was probably more frequent with women. What were my intentions? One
> intention was no conscious intention at all. That is, it felt like just
> an automatic and natural thing to do and I had no thoughts concerning
> what I might be trying to accomplish. But secondly, when I did have a
> conscious intention it really was to make a friendly gesture, a way of
> saying I like you. I did that kind of stuff mostly when I was sighted. I
> had to make something of a conscious effort to stop when I became blind
> because I can't see what body part I am reaching for and I just might
> grab something that it would be hard to pass off as a friendly gesture.
> Still, though, I think I may still be guilty of the lingering handshake.
> I have also made an effort to refrain from doing that with men. I think
> I have detected some amount of discomfort with it from men, but not from
> women. Men do seem to be more uncomfortable with a lingering touch on
> the hand, the shoulder, the arm than women do. But I assure you that it
> never entered my mind that doing things like that are the equivalent of
> groping.
>
> ---
>
> Christopher Hitchens
> " What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without
> evidence. "
> ― Christopher Hitchens,
>
> On 4/18/2019 9:13 PM, Carl Jarvis wrote:
>> There's no way I can get inside another person's head. Nor do I ever
>> want to. So I have to decide what Uncle Joe meant by his "laying on
>> of hands" when he came up behind a woman he knew, and squeezed her
>> shoulders in full view of others. Joe would want us to believe that
>> he is a touchy sort of guy from the old school. People in the old
>> school touched more than folks seem to do today. "Just a friendly
>> gesture", he would have us understand. But the woman complained. At
>> best this made it a one way friendly gesture. I don't know what Joe
>> said to the complainent, but I know what I would have said. "Please
>> forgive me. I'm sorry. It was purely thoughtless behavior on my
>> part. I assure you that I will not do it again." I've mentioned
>> before how confused a message was sent out to us teenagers back in the
>> 50's. We guys wanted to do the Macho sort of thing so we'd be seen as
>> real men. We lived in a time when men took the lead. Women were
>> supposed to "melt in our arms". A woman pulling back and saying,
>> "No!" would respond with a kiss if we just pushed a little harder.
>> But that was then, those days when a woman must have her husband or
>> father cosign for any expensive purchase she wanted to make.
>> Those were the days when we still looked at working women as taking a
>> man's job. And on and on. But those were the days I grew up in.
>> Still, it made good sense to me when women began to seriously push the
>> boundaries in the early 70's.
>> Many men stood up beside the women and supported their efforts to
>> achieve equality. Many men jeered and called those men as P---y
>> Whipped. They were not willing to let the girls stand shoulder to
>> shoulder with them.
>> Things got very ugly at times. But we did finally begin to see a dim
>> light at the end of that long dark tunnel. And then we put Donald
>> Trump in the president's office.
>> Remember that this is the man who promised to return America to her
>> former greatness. Putting women back in the kitchen and the bedroom
>> is one piece of that glorious return to our former Glory. And women
>> have had the right to vote for less than half of this nation's
>> history. My grandmother Jarvis was in her mid 40's before women had
>> the vote.
>> So what goes through Uncle Joe's head when he comes up behind a woman
>> and squeezes her shoulders, may remain a mystery to us. But we other
>> men should take heed to the message sent out via the woman's protest.
>> When in doubt, keep your hands to yourself...and that goes with your
>> funny comments, too.
>> Carl Jarvis
>> -------------------
>>
>
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