Darla,
Regarding your post.
How did I get where I am. We are talking about how I became self reliant.
I did two things. first, being dissatisfied with the person looking back at me from my mental mirror, I began building a mental picture of who I wanted to be. That image was not well defined at first, but it did point me to the direction I wanted to go.
Secondly, I began picking my mentors. I was fortunate to have my dad as my number one mentor. But I also picked people I did not personally know. Paul Robeson was one man who stood tall in my Mentor Book. A fellow named Al Fisher was a man I worked closely with during my early days in the Blind Movement. Al was sighted, and he never played a visible role as one of our leaders, but he was a leader...a visionary...and I learned so much from him. Howard Zinn came later, as did Michael Moore. But you get the idea. I picked the people who had characteristics that I felt would fit my mental image of whom I wanted to be.
I actually used to project an image of what I would look like, how I would carry myself, in my mind.
Of course it is a process in work. Never ending. Always reaching for some new change in who I am.
But I have moved so far from the shy, uncertain victim that used to stare out at me, that it is hard to believe I was ever so easily manipulated.
Curious Carl
----- Original Message -----From: Darla J. RogersTo: Carl Jarvis ; acb-l@acb.orgSent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 4:46 PMSubject: Re: [acb-l] AssertivenessDear Carl,How did you get to that point? Maybe assertiveness training isn't what is needed but what then?Or are most of our positions about what is needed valid?Darla----- Original Message -----From: Carl JarvisTo: Darla J. Rogers ; acb-l@acb.orgSent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 7:37 PMSubject: Re: [acb-l] AssertivenessDarla,Over my career in rehab, I have seen many attempts by some very professional folks to teach blind clients to be assertive. But this is not a stand alone class. How do we teach assertiveness to someone when we have to keep pulling his face up out of the mire in order to get his attention?I could get into a real tirade on this subject, except my soap box is being over hauled.Suffice it to say, once I learned to stand on my own two feet and to trust and believe in Carl, and to take charge of my life and refuse to be a victim, at that point I really didn't need a class on assertiveness. I was too busy living life.Carl Jarvis----- Original Message -----From: Darla J. RogersTo: acb-l@acb.orgSent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 4:28 PMSubject: [acb-l] AssertivenessDear List,Do you believe the ability to be assertive is a pretty major part in gaining or retaining employment? If so, who should make sure people have this ability, to the best of their ability.DarlaDarla J. Rogers
Gladstone, MO
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Darla, I'm not certain what you are asking when you say, "Or are most of our positions about what is needed valid?"
But that never stopped me from babbling.
Here's what I've been attempting to get at. Assertiveness in and of itself is worthless unless we know who we are and what our Life's Goals are.
If I do not have an understanding of me, and where I am in the scheme of things, and where I would like to see me be, then assertiveness is worthless.
For example, you might put your hand on my arm in order to warn me not to take the next step that will result in my going over the 500 foot cliff. I can assert myself by yanking my arm away and stepping forward just to show you that I am independent. Oops!
I recall standing in line at a registration desk at a hotel. The person in front of me was also blind. The clerk said, "You'll need to wait until we have a room on the ground floor ready for you."
The blind person went ballistic, shouting that just because they were blind was no reason to put them on the ground floor. The clerk responded as you might expect. She raised her voice to match the blind person's, telling him that if he didn't calm down she would call the manager. He did not calm down and she did call out the manager, all the time I was standing there waiting my turn to register.
The manager, in true manager fashion, calmed the situation down by apologizing to the blind person and offering him a different room on any floor he wished. He claimed that the understanding was that the blind people in this particular conference would find it more convenient for going to and from the meetings, if they were on the ground level.
Later I overheard this blind man telling a group of folks how he'd "put them in their place".
I often wonder what this fellow saw, if, and when, he looked into his mental mirror.
I am almost certain what the clerk and other hotel staff saw.
I wish I could say that before I assert myself, I always look into my mental mirror to check just what it is I'm trying to achieve. But I would be schmoozing you.
Many times I "assert" myself, only to find out that what I really did was to shove my big foot into my mouth.
But I always go back and see just what I can learn from the situation.
Carl Jarvis
----- Original Message -----From: Darla J. RogersTo: Carl Jarvis ; acb-l@acb.orgSent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 4:46 PMSubject: Re: [acb-l] AssertivenessDear Carl,How did you get to that point? Maybe assertiveness training isn't what is needed but what then?Or are most of our positions about what is needed valid?Darla
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