wear a rubber suit

An 86 year old client was really steaming the other day when we dropped by. 

"My son wants to put foam rubber around my tables and counter edges so I won't hurt myself if I fall." 

It turned out that she had fallen.  But not in her apartment.  She had been swimming and was changing into her street clothes and grabbed her walker to steady herself as she stood up.  The walker rolled and she tumbled.  As fast as the word went out family and nosey know it alls jumped to her rescue.  Even her physical therapist got into the act, telling her that unless the exercise equipment at the apartment gym was modified for a blind person, she was not allowed to use it. 

After some discussion our client calmed down to the point that we could help pull her off the ceiling.  "Here's just a suggestion," I said with a straight face, "Tell your son that it will be much cheaper if he buys you a foam rubber suit.  That way when you fall you will simply bounce right back up."  We reviewed the obvious safety rules with her.  She uses a walker when away from her apartment and a support cane when in her rather cramped unit.  We worked on making sure she took extra time when standing up or getting out of bed.  Just then the phone rang and she leapt to her feet and staggered toward it.  "A cordless phone could serve you better.  You can keep it beside you so you don't feel the need to do a summersault in an effort to answer it:, we suggested. 

We worked on ways of better using her support cane within the apartment and finally declared her safe to continue living just as she had been doing.  "You might want to dispose of that coffee table," I offered.  "It would give you much more room in this small living space". 

She informed me that this had been her mother's coffee table and she would die before parting with it.  End of my plot to rid the world of one more coffee table. 

"What does your physical therapist think needs to be done to make the exercise equipment safe for a blind person?"  we wanted to know. 

"They must install audible counters so I will know how many repetitions, how fast I'm going and how long I've been working out", she told us. 

"What do you do now?" we wondered. 

"I get on and count to 100 and then go to the next machine", she said. 

"Do you find that you are out of breath or exhausted by doing this?" we asked. 

"Not in the slightest.  It's kept me in good shape for two years now.  I exercise so I won't wind up in a wheel chair", she snapped. 

"Then tell your physical therapist exactly what you just told us.  And if she protests, tell her you'll find a more agreeable PT.  Remember, you are your own boss." 

Curious Carl