Being boss of one's life, and learning to hug

When clients ask my advice or opinion on matters outside my area of expertise    , I preface it with the warning, "You are getting exactly what you are paying for". 

 

Regarding touching.  I grew up in a family that did not hug, kiss or say, "I love you".  Although mother would read us bedtime stories and tuck us into bed and kiss us quickly on the foreheads, she did it  with her mind already on the precious time she could now spend on her own needs.  The only show of affection beyond that was done each morning when dad was headed out the door.  Mother would hand him his lunch and they would touch lips briefly. 

So I grew up not touching.  And hugging was painful.  When we hired a new director, Shirley Smith, she did lots of hugging.  Shirley often told me that hugging me was like wrapping your arms around a board. 

So I set about "learning to hug".  Of course I'd already had practice at the personal level.  You don't court an Italian girl and not hug and show great affection.  So I told Cathy that I was now determined to get really good at this hugging thing, and she was going to have to help me.  Pretty good, huh? 

So after much enjoyable practice I got to where Shirley said, "Not too bad", which was a real victory to me.  Today I can hug most anyone and they'd never know that I was ever a stand off. 

Now as far as never hearing, "I love you" spoken as I grew up, I decided that this would never be the case with my children.  I made a practice of always telling them, and showing them that I loved them and that they were always wanted.  And the practice slopped over to my courtship with Cathy.  But I still had real trouble telling other men, and many women that I loved them.  In my upbringing I think the word had come to have mostly sexual overtones.  So to tell a man or woman, "I love you", was a sexual advance.  Then my eldest daughter met, roped and married a young bull rider.  A real Macho man.  You can imagine my shock when he and his Macho buddies came together with hugs and shouts of, "I love you buddy!" 

Gee, maybe big, strong men can say, "I love you" without feeling girlie.  Wow! 

 

Another time I'll tell you how I came to learn to cry as an adult man. 

 

Curious Carl