A Letter from Mitt Romney...Really?

Subject: Re: A Letter from Mitt Romney

I'll bet you 10 thousand dollars and see you one bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982 , that someone asks, "Did Mitt Romney really write this letter?" 

Well, did he? 

 

Curious Carl

 

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Miriam Vieni

To: 'Blind Democracy Discussion List'

Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 7:59 PM

Subject: FW: A Letter from Mitt Romney

Nice?

-----Original Message-----
From: borowitzreport.com
[mailto:andy=borowitzreport.com@email.borowitzreport.com] On Behalf Of
borowitzreport.com
Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 10:40 AM
To: miriamvieni@optonline.net
Subject: A Letter from Mitt Romney

January 19, 2012

A Letter from Mitt Romney

About My Finances

SOUTH CAROLINA (The Borowitz Report) - Republican presidential frontrunner
Mitt Romney has released the following letter to the American people:

Dear American People:

Over the past several days, my personal finances have been distorted into a
grotesque caricature by the mainstream media, pundits, and other people who
can count. I am writing to you to set the record straight by explaining my
finances in terms the American people can relate to.

Let's say you bought a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982 for $5,000.
A couple of years later, what do you know, you sell that same bottle for
$10,000. So you just made a profit of $5,000 through your own hard work.
How much of that should you pay to the government? I'd say fifteen percent.

Now let's say you have a fellow mowing the lawn at your 7,000 square foot
home in La Jolla, and he turns out to be an illegal. You say, "No way,
Jose" (Jose is actually his real name) and send him packing. He doesn't
deserve his full paycheck, since he lied to you in Spanish, but it wouldn't
be fair to give him nothing, either. So you pay him fifteen percent.

Now let's pretend the United States of America is like one big restaurant.
Not a fancy restaurant, mind you, but one that only gets two Michelin
stars. And let's say that you order a meal of Beluga caviar, white truffles
and gold shavings, washing it down with your favorite beverage, Chateau
Lafite Rothschild 1982. The bill arrives and it's quite a hefty one for a
working stiff who only made $375,000 last year in speaking fees. (That's
right: minimum wage.) So when it comes to toting up the bill, how much
should I tip the waiter, who in case you're having trouble following this
metaphor is the IRS? You got it: fifteen percent.

I think I've now shown, using these real-life examples that everyone can
relate to, that no one should ever pay more than fifteen percent on their
taxes. If you have been paying more than that, you should get rid of your
loser accountant pronto. That's another thing I have in common with regular
Americans: we like firing people.

So - now that I've laid it out in simple terms that even you can understand,
do you agree that you and Mitt Romney have a whale of a lot more in common
than you thought? I'll bet you ten grand you do.

Au revoir,

Mitt

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