Saturday, December 22, 2012

just too bizarre

Subject: just too bizarre

My wife left the department of services for the blind and took a position with the Seattle Police, and later became director of the Para legal department.  Her duties brought her into constant contact with officers, detectives, attorneys...mostly male, and other city officials. 
Cathy and I have always been open and honest about our feelings toward other people.  We are, after over 32 years of loving and marriage, secure in our mutual love and respect.  We are a team, totally interdependent upon one another. 
So it never bothered me when Cathy would talk about having had lunch with a particular dashing detective or a young, lean and handsome attorney.  She told me how attractive she found these people, just as I told her of my feelings about women I worked with.  We both have always understood that marriage was not a command to become deaf, dumb and blind toward the opposite sex.  We believe that marriage is a commitment between two people that they will stay true to, and protect one another through whatever comes their way.  We have never denied our feelings about other people.  That's telling lies.  Why lie to one another about something so basic as our sexual feelings?  Because I say that I find Suzy sexy, does that need to mean that I intend to bed her?  Not if I take my pledge to Cathy seriously. 
 
Carl Jarvis
 
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, December 22, 2012 5:19 PM
Subject: Re: just too bizarre

    Yes, here is another possibility that strikes me as the very most likely. I remember Tom Snyder once saying that every time he walks down the street he falls in love a dozen times per block. Putting aside his loose use of the word love I understand just what he meant. There are a lot of highly attractive women out there. I am sure that most every married man is exposed to those attractive women every day and that does not in the least endanger their marriages, even when they happen to work with those highly attractive women. It is taking action on the attraction that causes problems with the marriages. I hate to sound like I may be blaming the victim, but it has to go two ways too. If he tried to act on his attraction and it was rebuffed then the woman had nothing to do with endangering his marriage and if he kept on  trying to act on his attraction she might have had a case for a sexual harassment suit. I would expect that she might have capitulated. There is an old piece of advice that goes around that says that you should never seek sexual gratification in the same place that you get your paycheck. It is also put as never date a coworker. The reason is that if you do it is likely that you will carry issues in the relationship into the workplace and that, by itself, can be very uncomfortable. It doesn't have to be, but it is likely. Then, if you happen to break up you are faced with having to come to work every day and face each other. If you do date a coworker, though, then never, ever, under any circumstances date your boss. Not only are you likely to bring issues from the relationship into the workplace, but what happens if you break up under that kind of circumstance? The likelihood is that you will also be breaking up with your job. I would suspect that the woman in question made just that mistake. It is also likely that the wife found out and the boss had to make a choice between his employee and his wife and the wife won. All of this would go far to explain why the firing would have been an effort to save his marriage. Admittedly it is speculative, but, like I said, marriages just do not become endangered just because the husband is around attractive women. If that was the case then no marriage would last long at all.
On 12/22/2012 6:08 PM, R. E. Driscoll Sr wrote:
Good theory.  Any other possibilities?
On 12/22/2012 2:26 PM, ted chittenden wrote:
Claude:  I think it more likely that the dentist's wife finally got a chance to look at his employee and threatened him with divorce if he didn't get rid of her.  --  Ted Chittenden    Every story has at least two sides if not more.  ---- Claude Everett <ceverett@dslextreme.com> wrote:   Hmmm!!  She worked for him for ten years and the Dentist just now decided  that she was a threat to his marriage?  Did he have a sight saving surgery  that awakened his vision?       Claude Everett  "First of all:  what is work?   Work is of two kinds:    first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface  relatively to other such matter;   second, telling other people to do so.    The first kind is unpleasant and ill paid; the second is pleasant and  highly paid."  >From The collection of essays "In Praise of Idleness" by Bertrand Russell      -----Original Message-----  From: blind-democracy-bounces@octothorp.org  [mailto:blind-democracy-bounces@octothorp.org] On Behalf Of Miriam Vieni  Sent: Saturday, December 22, 2012 6:51 AM  To: 'Blind Democracy Discussion List'  Subject: RE: just too bizarre    Ridiculous!    Miriam       ________________________________    From: blind-democracy-bounces@octothorp.org  [mailto:blind-democracy-bounces@octothorp.org] On Behalf Of joe harcz  Comcast  Sent: Saturday, December 22, 2012 8:04 AM  To: blind democracy List  Subject: just too bizarre        NATIONAL BRIEFING | MIDWEST. Iowa: Court Upholds Firing of Woman Whose Boss  Found Her Attractive. By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS. A dentist acted legally when    he fired an assistant that he found attractive simply because he and his  wife viewed the woman as a threat to their marriage, the Iowa Supreme Court  ruled    unanimously on Friday. The all-male court said bosses could fire employees  they saw as an 'irresistible attraction,' even if the employees had not done    anything wrong. Such firings are not unlawful under state law because they  are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender, wrote Justice Edward M.    Mansfield. A lawyer for the dentist, James Knight, said the decision was a  victory for family values because Dr. Knight fired Melissa Nelson to save  his    marriage. Ms. Nelson's lawyer said the court failed to recognize the  discrimination that women see routinely in the workplace. These judges sent  a message    to Iowa women that they don't think men can be held responsible for their  sexual desires and that Iowa women are the ones who have to monitor and  control    their bosses' sexual desires,' said the lawyer, Paige Fiedler. Ms. Nelson,  32, worked for Dr. Knight for 10 years..                 _______________________________________________  Blind-Democracy mailing list  Blind-Democracy@octothorp.org  http://www.octothorp.org/mailman/listinfo/blind-democracy    _______________________________________________  Blind-Democracy mailing list  Blind-Democracy@octothorp.org  http://www.octothorp.org/mailman/listinfo/blind-democracy      _______________________________________________  Blind-Democracy mailing list  Blind-Democracy@octothorp.org  http://www.octothorp.org/mailman/listinfo/blind-democracy    



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