Carl makes a very relevant point.
I think it is important to also remember the very many people who are in the
process of adjusting to disabilities. After all, most people are not
disabled from birth or even as children. Most, including most with visual
impairments, acquire disabilities as adults. And, it takes time for a
process of adjustment, support from friends and/or family (which not
everyone has), and assistance from competent social service organizations. I
have seen adults who were functioning well and responsibly, and contributing
to their communities, suddenly become temporarily disoriented and depressed
because of developing one or more disability. Just telling those people that
they need to take responsibility for themselves, as well as learn to cope
with their disabilities and learn new compensatory skills and get on with
their lives, and build new futures, is both cruel and stupid. Maybe people
who have been disabled since birth or childhood don't understand the trauma
of becoming disabled as an adult, and maybe some people who were able to get
through it and succeed in their own lives don't have compassion for those
who are finding it more difficult than they did, but, they don't have the
right to ignore the problems that the others have. It is unjust and
inhumane.
We are all interdependent. We all need care and love and support as children
and seniors and people who are going through trauma. Even the most
able-bodied need support and help from others. None of us is an island!
As a matter of fact, one of the things I tell students who I am helping to
learn to deal with visual impairment is that they shouldn't be embarrassed
or humiliated to ask for or get assistance from others, because they
certainly have some support and assistance to offer. It isn't a matter of
just accepting help, but of sharing. And I really mean it. There are plenty
of things I can offer my fully sighted neighbors that are important and that
some others can't offer... and we all have things we can give as well as
needing social support and assistance... So, the talk about responsibility
leaves out the component of our interdependence in a social
world that we are always in the process of creating.
For justice and peace,
Sylvie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Carl Jarvis" <carjar82@gmail.com>
To: <blind-democracy@octothorp.org>
Sent: Tuesday, November 23, 2010 4:48 PM
Subject: blind man fights to stay in home
Hi Nancy,
Agreed. Each of us should be responsible for our own self. Having said
that, let me share a little known secret with you. There are countless
older men and women living alone, looking and acting quite ordinary, who are
no longer capable of being responsible.
We have worked with hundreds of folks who have lived full, responsible
lives, raising families, holding important jobs, contributing to their
community and caring for their own elders, but who are now unable to manage
their own affairs.
I am speaking of people who spent 70 or 80 years managing their own lives
only to come to a place where they are so confused that they can't recall
who they just spoke to on the phone. They think they paid their bills, but
can't tell you who they send them to or where the receipts are. Once simple
tasks become too complex.
But these are usually proud people. They come from a time when they were
taught to take care of their own needs. They are not people who ask for
help. That is a sign of weakness. That is a sign that they are getting too
old to continue life as they are now living it.
So they cover up. Until the bottom drops out and suddenly they are being
tossed out of their homes or they are found half starved to death or
suffering from hyperthermia or living in filth, only then are they found
out.
To expect them to take responsibility for their affairs is like asking my
cat to clean his own litter box.
So now we have a group of folks who have lost their mental edge. And what
do we do? Why we hand them piles of papers to read, understand, fill out
and return in a timely manner.
Reapplying for Section 8 Housing is no simple matter. I have watched my
wife do this task for her 84 year old mother. All of the doctor's payments,
medications, checks, receipts, scribbled notes are crammed into a large
Manilla envelope and handed over to my wife to begin sorting out. Of course
the first thing we learn is that the packet came two weeks ago and is due
next Thursday.
I ask myself, "What would my mother-in-law do if she did not have a daughter
who checked up on her and helped with the paper work?"
Should we simply say, "You must take responsibility for your affairs." That
statement assumes that we believe that she can do so.
The truth is that many older people have reached a point where they can not
any longer go it alone. And yet, many of them have no one to turn to. So
they just keep muddying along until the roof falls in.
If we are a caring community at all, we must make certain that these people
have the support network they need in order to survive. This means that we
insist on agencies that have enough understanding and enough staff to
actually take care of their clients.
Curious Carl
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