Wig
By
Carl Jarvis
Cracking my leg against a bench, I sat down. Why did I let them stick me in the
Huh, I thought, it's a wig. Some poor bald guy took off his hair piece to let his head cool down, and forgot to put it back on. Well, no big deal. I'd turn it into lost and found, once I got myself found.
For no particular reason I lifted the wig to my own head and tried it on. To my surprise it fit like a glove. This was a real class piece of work. The hair smoothed out and felt as natural as if it were my own. Checking my watch I realized that if I didn't get some assistance soon I'd miss the general session. I didn't travel all the way to Los Vegas to miss out on anything.
Standing up I reached for the wig. As my hand touched it a clear small voice spoke inside my ear. "Don't touch me, man". I froze, turning my head around as if I could see someone standing next to me.
The voice came again, as clear as a tiny bell on a cold December day. "I can help you, man. Let me show you."
Moments before I had been alone and ignored. Now, I felt as if every eye in the casino had turned on me. I muttered through closed lips, "Where are you?"
On top your head, man".
"Who are you?"
"I'm here to help you. Turn left and I'll get you to your meeting".
Unable to think of a reason not to do as it said, I turned left and began to swing my cane. "Just a bit more left", the wig said. "Now take a sharp right for about 15 feet".
I don't know how it did it, but we worked our way through the casino and down the hallway to the general session without a single hitch.
"Stop!" the wig said, "People blocking the doorway…okay, straight ahead now. You want to sit in the
"How did you know that?" I asked in surprise.
"You ain't seen nothin', man".
"Nice hair cut," someone to my right commented. It was Glen. "Thanks", I said, thinking that it must be my color or he'd have said something.
The president gaveled the session to order, and my mind whirled off in all directions, like a million pin wheels.
My God, I thought, I don't even know if I can get this thing off my head. My heart began to pound and I broke out in a sweat. I slid my hand up the side of my head and pushed the wig up. It came away easily. There was a dry, raspy, creaky sound in my ear. It was laughing. "Man, you're tickling me".
At break we went for coffee. I moved in and out of traffic with ease. Wig, as I was now calling it, gave such quick, concise directions that it was almost as if I could see. And Wig began reading off all of the name tags as we passed people, and I called to them by name. We picked up my coffee at Jitters and stopped at a wonderful little chocolate shop where I bought a half a pound of peanut butter fudge…okay, so it was a whole pound.
By lunch time I had begun to see the possibilities opening before me. Wig was incredible. We zipped into Kaydy's for lunch and I didn't need to struggle with the Braille menu. Wig simply read the selections over my shoulder, so to speak.
By midweek Wig and I had such a close relationship that I began going out without my cane. Tuesday evening I sat in my first poker game ever. Wig suggested, "Hold your cards up close to your face as if you can't see them very well." Perched high atop my head, Wig could get a fix on every player's hand. "You should of seen the looks on their faces", Wig chortled. "They figured they'd clean you out in short order." He laughed about that all night long. I pocketed $700. Wednesday I picked up another $800.
As we were walking back to my room Wig said, "It's early, man. You wanna meet some fine Chicks?"
"Now why would a Wig care about women?" I asked.
"Hey man, I just like to watch the action".
"The only action you'll see tonight is me snoring".
"And you do one mighty fine job of that, man".
Thursday, following the candidates forum, I decided to duck into Kaydy's for a quick dinner before heading over to the
"Man!" Wig exclaimed. "I'm sorry, man. I never done that before." Later that night I could hear Wig over on the table in my room. He was chortling. "What's funny?" I asked.
"I shouldn't be laughing, man, but you should of seen the look on that waitress' face. I swear she thought she could catch all them dishes and keep them from hitting the floor."
"We have to work hard to be more careful" I said. And I began laying out my plan to Wig. "Saturday there is a high stakes poker tournament. I figure we could win as much as $50 or $60 thousand."
"Sounds fun" Wig replied.
"You know," I went on, "I'll bet that you and I could learn to ride a bike. Maybe we could get good enough that I could drive again."
"Piece of cake, man," Wig said.
"We could travel all over the country, playing poker for a living. I bet I could turn a couple hundred thousand a year."
"All of that and then some," Wig yawned. "And think of all the Babes you'll have."
"No chicks. No babes. I figure on taking my wife." "Jeez!" Wig whined.
After Friday's general session and elections were over I decided to cut across by the pool. As we came through the door Wig said, "Hey man, it's hot out here. Let's run for it." That sounded good to me. We were working as if we were one single entity.
"There's some folks coming toward us," Wig said. "Cut just a bit to the left…okay, now run for it."
I broke into a fine trot, felt my foot hit something, and flew out into space. I crashed into the pool doing a magnificent belly flop.
An angry life guard, thinking I was drunk, fished me out. "What kind of a crazy fool are you? I saw you turn and run head long for the pool."
I was so humiliated and embarrassed that I just put my head down and tried to remember which way the door was. Wig began giving directions, and I sloshed my way to my room. Once inside I pulled Wig, dripping wet, from my head and slammed him to the table. "Oomph!" Wig grunted. "Take it easy man".
"Me take it easy?" I was livid. "Just what are you up to? You did that deliberately. Why? I want an answer."
Instead, Wig began to cackle in that dry crackly, raspy laugh of his. "God, man! You should of seen your face. You didn't know up from down." He wailed and cackled. "And that stupid life guard. If his face got any redder it would have popped."
I was busy peeling off my wet clothes. Then I realized that I'd been carrying my bag with my Braille 'N' Speak. It was ruined!
I was so angry that I couldn't speak. I tell you, if I'd had any matches I'd have tossed Wig in the bathtub and set him on fire.
After I was dressed for the banquet I turned to Wig. "You've broken the trust, Wig" I paced back and forth. "I just don't know what we're going to do. When I come back from the dinner perhaps we can figure out where to go from here."
I probably shouldn't have gone to dinner. I didn't hear a thing that went on. And on my way back to my room I still hadn't a clue as to what to do with Wig.
In my room I hung up my jacket and removed my tie. Walking to the table I said, "Okay Wig, let's talk about what went on." No answer. "Wig!" I raised my voice. "We need to talk". I reached out and put my hand down in the middle of a puddle of water. No Wig.
"Wig" I called in a loud voice. "Don't get cute with me. Where are you?" Silence.
After covering every inch of the room, even taking my suitcase apart, I gave up and called house keeping. I explained that I had a very valuable wig, and somehow it had become misplaced. They were very prompt and very thorough. But it was quite apparent that Wig had slipped away. I told house keeping that I recalled that there had been some friends over, and probably one of them picked it up.
Saturday morning I packed and headed for the airport and the trip back to
As soon as I arrived home I went through all of my bags again. Nothing. Now, in full panic, I'm here at my computer. Please, someone. Listen to me. Wig is out there. If you have him, or know where he is, do not let him out of your sight. Wig is evil. Who knows where his perverted curiosity will take him, and whoever is with him. We must find him. We must stop him before someone is seriously hurt…or worse.
Please contact me at:
www.curiouscarlscorner.blogspot.com
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