Bread is dangerous

The following is scary.  If it's true about bread, can potatoes and corn be involved, too? 

Curious Carl

SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
unacceptably high; many women died
in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, scarlet fever,
and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of
eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items
such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than
90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being
taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey,
bread-pudding person.
8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That
kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.
10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.